VICTIMS TAKE MORE THAN 12 YEARS TO SPEAK AFTER THE EVENTS (MTV / IPSOS, 2019)

IN CHILDREN

94% OF ATTACKERS ARE RELATIVE, FOR 1 IN 2 CHILDREN BY A MEMBER OF THEIR FAMILY

(Traumatic Memory and Victimology Association, March 2015)

The injunction to silence remains constant: the aggressors are often those we love. The fear of having to denounce a loved one and losing them or ruining the family unit often takes precedence over the desire to express oneself. Also the child may think that the adult is within his rights and that what he is experiencing is “normal”, especially if his attacker is also kind and attentive towards him.

Guilt is the most intense feeling, increased when the victim knows their attacker. The victim unconsciously chooses a less painful path by convincing herself that the adult is always caring and therefore that what happened is her fault.

Younger people  are not able to see the seriousness of an event, the issues and the consequences. Their immaturity does not allow them to differentiate between good and evil, nor to oppose adults. Looking for love, affection, attention and driven by curiosity: they can accept sexual activity with the abusive adult. It is also possible that the child says nothing due to lack of language or lack of vocabulary.

As for older children  , the fear of not being heard and believed by those around them, the feeling of shame, the fear of reprisals, the impossibility of resorting to available help or asserting their rights are some of the causes. leading to silence of the violence suffered.
The sporting environment can be conducive to aggression because physical contact is often necessary and there is a high tolerance for physical violence. There is an imbalance in the balance of power between coaches and athletes in which a reward system interferes. Also, changing rooms, showers, carpooling, nights away from home are potential risk situations.

IN ADULTS

The fear of disturbing, of the aggressor, of not being believed, shame and guilt are often the brakes that reduce people to silence. A victim reveals what she suffered, often years later. She tries to forget what she experienced and behave as “smoothly” as possible, hiding her intrusive emotional reactions.

However, for many victims, this behavior will tend to make the situation worse. Indeed, by repressing their emotions, they can be led to relive the trauma as soon as something refers to it. This daily loss of control leads to a feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and loss of self-confidence. Also, it is common for victims to carry evils: attempts at the unspeakable, signals of distress.

IN CHILDREN

A child always tries to talk about his suffering, often in an indirect, implicit or unconscious way, he will often alert with behavioral signs. These changes in behavior should alert those around them and encourage them to be attentive and listen to the child. From birth to 1.5 years  , the baby will show signs of suffering resulting in crying, sudden sleep disturbances, a change in appetite, regression, withdrawal, or even a delay in development. The young child  may show a changing appetite, sleep problems (repeated nightmares, difficulty falling asleep), changes in play, altered mood, attention problems, hypervigilance, sudden shame and also developmental delay. From the age of 7  , we can observe depression, guilt, school difficulties and significant fatigue in children. It may manifest a developmental delay or regress to an earlier stage (enuresis, encopresis) but also an emotional dependence on parents with difficulty becoming independent. He may also present behavioral problems: hiding, running away, aggressiveness, hyperactivity, withdrawal, avoidance behavior. The psychological state deteriorates upon entering puberty. During adolescence, the manifestations of unhappiness are much more intense. Depressive disorders, social anxiety, antisocial and delinquent behavior, acts of self-destruction (scarification, self-mutilation, suicidal ideas or behavior and sexual behavior disorders), addictions (alcoholism, drug addiction), eating disorders, running away repeated, and avoidance behaviors can be an expression of signs of sexual aggression. 1 IN 2 VICTIMS ATTACKED DURING CHILDHOOD ATTEMPTED SUICIDE (Traumatic Memory and Victimology Association, March 2015)

IN ADULTS

To manage psychotrauma on a daily basis, it is not uncommon for adult victims to exhibit hypervigilance behavior, that is, to monitor the slightest noise and anticipate any unforeseen situation. These behaviors are energy-consuming and can lead to sleep or concentration problems. Victims often exhibit avoidance behaviors: both relational and thought. In these dissociative behaviors, victims sometimes continue to live with suicidal thoughts, depressive symptoms, generalized anxiety disorders, but also risky behavior. Just like children, sexual violence causes adults an immense feeling of shame and guilt. Why couldn’t I say no? Why couldn’t I talk about this before? Why would anyone believe me? If I speak out will I destroy his life? It is not uncommon for adults to develop numerous psychosomatic symptoms: digestive pathologies, recurrent migraines, eating disorders such as bulimia, anorexia, etc. It has been shown that female victims often have procreation difficulties with repetitive miscarriages, endometriosis. of distress.

70% OF VICTIMS WILL SUFFER AT LEAST ONE OTHER SEXUAL ASSAULT DURING THEIR LIFE
(Traumatic Memory and Victimology Association, March 2015)

This figure is surprising and raises questions but can be explained by different functionings. Indeed, if sexual violence is perpetrated by a person you trust or love, the child victim may consider it “normal” behavior and in fact experience it again.

Also, if the child does not speak, he finds himself alone in a situation that he does not understand. He can therefore be abused again in an attempt to make sense of what happened to him.

In psychoanalysis, the concept of repetition compulsion demonstrates that it is reassuring for humans to move towards a relationship they know, being attracted by relationships similar to those they have experienced. Even if they have been dysfunctional, the brain will orient itself towards patterns of known relationships (comfort zone) rather than new relationships (discomfort zone). The psyche is built on patterns of experiences that are repeated and reproduced.

Despite all the good will of a person to want to change or avoid these practices, they may be led to continue them.

96% OF VICTIMS REPORT HAVING AN IMPACT ON THEIR MENTAL HEALTH (IVSEA, 2015)
70% ON THEIR PHYSICAL HEALTH (IVSEA, 2015)
50% ATTEMPT SUICIDE (IVSEA, 2015)

The impact of sexual violence on the health of victims is particularly significant and it is urgent and essential that victims of sexual violence can benefit from care and appropriate support. But to achieve this, talking is the key!

However, it is essential to find someone you trust to turn to. If it’s too difficult to verbalize what happened, writing a letter may be easier to start. Once the first step is taken, the feeling of no longer being alone with this secret has the virtue of relief.

THE DIFFERENT THERAPIESONLY 23% OF RAPE VICTIMS RECEIVED SPECIALIZED MEDICAL-PSYCHOLOGICAL CARE

(IVSEA surveys, 2015 and Ipsos 2019)

There are many therapies, here are a few:

• EMDR therapy: this technique does two very important things. First, it “unblocks” negative memories and emotions of an event stored in the nervous system, then it helps the brain reprocess the negative experience so that it can be “digested”. The patient must, little by little, no longer feel deep anguish from memories of the traumatic event.
  EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
• Psychoanalytically inspired therapy: this therapy focuses on psychic functioning. Our thoughts, emotions and behaviors are determined by what is happening inside us without us knowing. For example, she is interested in repressed emotions and thoughts, put aside or forgotten because they are considered disturbing or unimportant.
• Brief CBT therapy: this form of therapy aims to help the patient reduce their anxiety caused by elements that remind them of the traumatic event suffered (places, objects, memories, etc.). To do this, the psychotherapist will use different techniques (exposure, cognitive structuring, relaxation, psychoeducation).
• The discussion group: it is a collective therapy where each person who has experienced the same type of event can talk about their story and listen to that of others. This helps the person not to feel alone, to talk about their experience, to receive support from the group but also to give it.

FILING A COMPLAINT

8% OF RAPES ARE THE SUBJECT OF A COMPLAINT (IPSOS 2019 survey)

For a victim, filing a complaint can have symbolic significance. In fact, she makes the complaint then files it, that is to say, she externalizes what she carries within herself. This allows us to get out of this confusion because there is an inscription of what she experienced outside the body: in a file.

The recognition by the courts of a transgression by the qualification of facts gives the victim a place and designates an author. The victim status is then given by a representative of the criminal law.

Filing a complaint also allows the victim to rely on other people who can support them in their procedures, particularly legal and psychological.

KNOWING HOW TO REACT TO REVELATIONS

WITH A CHILD

A child victim of violence can talk about what he has suffered to an adult and it is important that he is immediately listened to and heard! If he confides in you, it is because he considers you a trustworthy person who can help him.
If you have identified behavioral changes in a child you are close to, you can reach out to them by opening the space to speak, at an appropriate time when they feel that you are available to hear them.
The child must feel in a climate of trust to be able to reveal an event that has deeply shocked him.
In both situations, it is essential to:

• Control your emotions; you must not dramatize the situation or, conversely, minimize it; you must avoid emotional reactions;
• Congratulate the child for his revelations , his courage and thank him for his trust;
• Never doubt his word even if the revelations seem vague, strange or incredible to you…;
• Only ask open-ended questions such as “Would you like to tell me a little more?” » without launching into an interrogation;
• Promise the child that you will act quickly to end the situation as soon as possible;
• Remind the child that he is not guilty but a victim and that it is not his place to be ashamed.

The investigation must only be carried out by professionals so as not to harm its smooth running and the aggressor must not be informed of the child’s statements.

WITH AN ADULT

The following tips are intended to serve as a foundation to help understand how to foster safe, caring, non-judgmental interactions when an adult confides:

• Believe it: assure her that she is not alone and that you are there to listen and support her;
• Thank him for finding the courage to confide in you and for his trust;
• Legitimize their feelings of anger, sadness, fear or these mixtures of emotions which can be destabilizing;
• Assure him that he is in no way responsible: shame and guilt are trying feelings for victims;
• Address her immediate needs, including is she safe, can more be done to make her feel more secure? ;
• Inform them about other available resource people, particularly professionals and associations.

Some people who have experienced sexual violence simply want to be listened to with compassion and empathy. Kind reactions from supportive people can help alleviate the trauma.

If you are a victim or witness of violence, you can be listened to and guided by professionals by calling dedicated telephone numbers and by contacting associations present throughout the territory.

PHONE NUMBERS

119: “ALLÔ ENFANCE EN DANGER”, national number dedicated to the prevention and protection of children in danger or at risk of being so.
24/7, this number is free and does not appear on telephone records.

An online form also allows you to alert about a situation:  www.allo119.gouv.fr

3018: “NET ÉTOUTE” national number for young victims of digital violence (cyber harassment, revenge porn, webcam blackmail, account hacking, etc.). Free and anonymous, Monday to Saturday from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m.

LE 3020: “NO TO HARASSMENT” national number dedicated to school bullying for young people who are harassed and harassers, their parents and professionals.
Free and anonymous, Monday to Friday from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Saturday from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. (except public holidays).

LE 3919: “VIOLENCES FEMMES INFO”, national number intended for women victims of violence, those around them and the professionals concerned.
Free and anonymous, Monday to Friday from 9 a.m. to 10 p.m. and Saturday to Sunday from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.

LE 116 006: help number for victims of violence (theft, physical, sexual violence, accident, etc.). Free and anonymous, 7 days a week from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m.

ASSOCIATIONS

Among the associations specializing in the care of victims, there are in particular:

FRANCE VICTIMES is a French federation bringing together 130 professional associations, specializing in helping victims throughout the country.
The objective of this federation is to promote and develop aid and assistance to victims, mediation practices and any other measure contributing to improving the recognition of victims. Visit the website: www.france-victimes.fr

THE CIDFF (Information Center on the Rights of Women and Families), 106 centers are spread throughout France offering women victims of violence information, guidance and support, particularly legal support. Visit the website: www.infofemmes.com

La Voix de l’Enfant is a federation of associations whose aim is to listen to and defend all children in distress. It works with its member associations in many countries. The Colosse with Feet of Clay association is a member. Visit the website: www.lavoixdelenfant.org